I don't live in New York City, New York City lives in me!

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Have you forgotten your first love?
The first thing you were proud of

The last time you were skipped in line

The places you've been to get where you are
The asses you kissed to get you this far

The words that you wrote on the back of car windows

All of the people that you pushed away
All of the games you no longer play

Have you ever forgotten who you used to be?
Who I used to be is no longer me.

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I've been here a little over a week and I just feel so much calmer. I love my new house. I live in a cool hip neighborhood kinda like Williamsburg. My friend Paul and I are out a lot but it's not the same new york out. We go to a bar and drink a few beers and I work on my new year's resolution. We all know what that means! Anyway I've missed my live-journal...but I don't miss my past...thank GOD that's over. My entries will probably be a bit boring from now on...although true to my old self, I did wake up next to a half eaten sandwich the other day. For those who remember my hot dog incident I'm sure you're laughing at me. Rightly so! I'm insane but better than usual...or maybe rather chameleon like. I believe tonight there is a voice post in order...I've gotta go get ready...We're going to see some band...I've seen like 10 bands play in the last week...I love my new boyfriend....Nashville!

What can I tell you about Colin? I really like Colin! This happens to me...I'm moving and I can't have a boyfriend...So of course I meet Colin. Selina says "Dani, don't fuck this up! He's a really good guy." Of course that's first thing I try to do. I mean I'm spending alot of time with him right now, but in a few weeks I'll be gone...Grrrr. He's pretty, his cat Tommy is in love with me...We stayed up all night last night watching tv, eating Chinese food, Cherry Garcia Ice Cream, and being cute...I know..I know.

You're leaving New York for Walmart he says
Ultimately, I'm leaving for Porch Swings
For Traffic, for cable, for sweet tea I'm able to drink
I'm leaving all this for truck stops with Hess gasoline
Where a place of crime is the only place you can call scene
And Auto Trader is a paid magazine

God! I'm so impulsive! Every decision I've ever made has never received a second thought. I just think I'm smart enough to be right the first time. I'm not sure how that's affected my life in a negative way and I probably never will be. I believe it's not actually my first thought...It's more like my mother talking to me...It's always been "Dani, do whatever you want, you can do anything," and I have. Feels like I've done everything....sometimes...I've given the world my heart, but it wants my soul...I won't think twice....it's alright.

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I go past the New York Stock Exchange every day now because of work...I can't believe I havent seen it this whole time. People are so weird in the Financial District. That's actually all of my thoughts on that subject.

hmmmm what else is going on? I'm having livejournal writer's block.

Oh I have a new project called "Dani is not gonna get trashed on work days". It's worth a try honestly...I went out last night and the night before and ended up ok at work but I didn't get drunk on either occasion. Amanda and I went to like 9 bars the other night and we were bored out of our minds...I think i fell asleep before 3 that night, after getting back to her apartment and telling her neighbor to get his fat ass over to hang out with us. He didn't come over. Selina, Amanda , and I all went to annex Friday night...Seemed to be un-eventful...then I ran into Landon...oh god...why...We are the worst people possible for one another. He asked to take me out on Saturday...that was a disaster! I lost my purse Sat. night, I sang Cher in a cab, I peed on someone's doorstep...WTF!?! What have I done to myself...Listen to the voice post...

January seems as if it's just begun. I still have faint memories of schedules from last year, cookies I'd eaten, places I'd lived, pain I'd lived....I promise myself every year that I'll give myself a clean slate. I will no longer call myself stupid for doing this or that. It works out pretty well usually...But since the majority of these Britney Spears inspired moments happened towards the end of 2006...it's a little hard to be so forgiving.
I feel like I woke up from NYE today and this is now the first day of 2007. I remembered that I have so much shit to do in the next few months. I need to be really focused....which really means I need to be bored. I used to be able to wake up and go to sleep early. Now I go to sleep at like 6am...too much stress I think...Not wanting any day to end, not ever wanting the bank to close, wishing for a Chickpea eggplant filafel with tahini sauce and a lemonade at 4am(reading my own words and giving myself nice ones out loud).
It gets worse though...I may not be explaining this enough...Those of you who were gay men in another life...as I was...remember the second theme song to Felicity...ya know the one where there's lyrics that go " can you become, can you become, a new version of you..."then some lines I don't remember...and then the words "new version of you, i need a new version of me..."

Anyway It's scary to me but that's how I feel!

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My throats doesn't hurt anymore! Thank God. It was so bad I wanted to cry in my sleep. So right now I'm enjoying some past due sing-a-long...ing? I dunno whatevs...It's fun. Tonight I'm going to Trash and then Annex. I plan on singing the loudest when Kelly Clarkson plays and re-analyzing that old/new crush. I really have so many that I've gone back to one from like August. I think it has to do with whiskey. I'm drinking mint tea at the moment deciding on an outfit for tonight. I wanna do something different with my hair...but it's raining and will probably be ruined within 5 seconds walking of avenue b.
Pictures of Old/ New Crush







Pictures of New Years EVE

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Selina called a little bit ago and informed me that I have made her another Dixie Chicks fan. The entire time we lived together everyone made fun of me and my country music. Can't be helped. I love it. I'm moving to the country music capital. This year my mom and I drove to Nashville at midnight just cause we could. It took 8 hours to get there! We went to the Grand Ole Opry. We passed my favorite southern pastime hooters...Ate lunch in a park at Vandy...Looked at apartments...So much fun...Probably my favorite day of this year.
I think I'm reversing in age. I've been listening to old Hanson. Ya, I know everyone hates them. Well piss off then. Those girly looking boys got me through childhood without doing anything stupid... Sure they made me completely dorky...But I wasn't getting knocked up at 13 or 14... Hell I hadn't even kissed a boy yet...Never had alcohol yet...Ya, I know! I think cause I had to be so responsible then I'm going insane now...I wanna run everywhere, I sing in the streets, y'all know I love cartwheels...I make videos at Yaffa's. Ha!

James Brown died this morning. I'm not sure why but I started crying. I think it's because I realized that Paul McCartney might be next. I can't handle this! It's Christmas. I mean honestly who's gonna pull off those moves now? Nicole and I watched Eddie Murphy do his James Brown impression on classic SNL like 3 days ago. And now it's not funny. It's been a strange Christmas this year...I keep getting Merry Christmas text messages from numbers I don't recognize and private phone calls which I don't answer. Who still calls people private? I think it's Andy, ya know Missouri Andy. I'm tempted to answer but pissed at the same time that he wouldn't have the balls to call without a block. Other things happened that I told people I saw coming and that also sucks today. But I still love Christmas although this baby did not come home.

I Tell people I'm moving to Nashville next year. They don't believe me. They say Dani wtf are you gonna do there. I say nothing, but maybe something. Anyone that is surprised to hear of my plans, obviously doesn't know me. New York Dani is a bit self destructive, a little hungry, and a little cold. There is another me that exists in the country....Near cows and rodeos, dairy queens and trailer parks. One that enjoys big gulps and tabloids. A girl that plays her guitar and drinks too much wine...But refuses unhappiness as a destiny. I stare at the same apartment building everyday hoping I can get on the wait-list for May. I dream about grass and a new car that I promise my momma I wont crash. I've totaled two cars in two years...wanna ride? lol...I took a quiet life for granted in exchange for a life of chaos and stunted growth...
I can't wait to live alone and listen to thoughts of none but my own...